Thursday, April 1, 2010

A Message from Trey Grayson


For those of you who might not know me, my name is Trey Grayson. I am Kentucky’s Secretary of State and a candidate for the U.S. Senate.

I am writing to you from Uncouth Ruminations, a blog of politics, history, and faith. The forlorn editor of this blog, Carl Wicklander, showed up on a blotter in Dick Cheney’s cave when it was discovered that Mr. Wicklander held some patently un-American views. Mr. Wicklander has since begun “Patriot Training,” a rigorous program where disloyal and thinking Republicans are “Hannitized” and reacquainted with timeless conservative texts such as “If Democrats had any Brains, They’d Be Republican” and “Going Rogue.”

But enough about that. I am writing to you in this forum so I can tell you why I want to be the next senator from Kentucky.

It’s easy in a race such as ours to run a negative campaign where the candidates engage in ad hominem attacks and don’t talk about the issues. But this is Kentucky and we’re above that.

The reason I want to be the next senator from Kentucky is simple: Rand Paul is SCARRRRY!!!

Maybe that’s not quite accurate. Rand Paul isn’t scary. He’s scary and kooky!

You don’t have to take my word for it. Learn about Rand Paul for yourself. I recommend a couple of scholarly, highly insightful, and impartial websites: randpaulstrangeideas.com and tookookyforkentucky.com. They’re the veritable snopes.com for Rand Paul!

First of all, Rand Paul is not even a Kentuckian. I am a Kentuckian. A fifth generation Kentuckian for that matter. Rand Paul was born in Texas. Why, if birthplace and genealogy don’t get you anywhere, then why did we even fight the American Revolution?

Here’s another troubling fact about Rand Paul: He is the son of Ron Paul. I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in.

Pretty scary, huh?

The depth of Rand Paul’s love and devotion to his father is utterly despicable. This is the sort of character who did not support George H. W. Bush for president in 1988 because his father was running as the Libertarian Party’s candidate. Kentucky doesn’t need a senator who is more loyal to his own father than to Poppy Bush and the legacy of Ronald Reagan.

Do you want to know what’s even scarier? Rand Paul is funded by evil Big Libertarian money.

Just who is part of this Big Libertarian political machine that is funding this not-enough-of-a-Kentuckian?

College kids, young adults, and blue collar workers across the country who are giving sums of $5, $10, and $25. Those are exactly the sort of people we don’t need in the Republican Party.

Kentuckians deserve a senator who will stand up for them. Rand Paul is more than happy to accept small donations from libertarians all across America. I, on the other hand, reluctantly accept money from your friendly neighborhood bailed-out corporations at fundraisers that charge $500 per plate. I don't think I need to tell you which one of us in this race has Kentuckians interests at heart.

As scary as all this has been, I regret to inform you all that there is something about Rand Paul that is even scarier. Yes, scarier than not being born in Kentucky, scarier than being the son of Ron Paul, and scarier than getting small donations.

Rand Paul is opposed to the war in Iraq.

That’s right. Rand Paul is opposed to an invasion of an innocent country that did not threaten the United States and that a majority of Americans now oppose. Foresight like this does not deserve to be rewarded. Rand Paul also had the audacity to suggest that we should exclusively pursue the perpetrators of the September 11 terrorist attacks. Does this man’s arrogance know no bounds?

I know this was a lot, but I hope this has been helpful for anyone considering voting in this year’s senate election in Kentucky. I hope that by looking at my opponent, Kentuckians will realize that I am the right man for the job.

And finally, during this Holy Week, I think it would be appropriate to take some time to meditate and say thank you. Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for showing us the way. May we never question you. Thank you, Mitch McConnell.

8 comments:

TRUTH 101 said...

After reading this I am wishing that Rand Paul was running for senator in Illinois.

Law and Order Teacher said...

Carl,
I am impressed that you were able to get such insightful comments from Trey. I love some good sarcasm. Good catch.

I saw Paul on Beck yesterday. Very impressive guy. He would certainly be a breath of fresh air in the Senate. I hope he's successful.

Anonymous said...

This article and the video clips just gave me a strong opinion of Rand Paul. All of which is positive.
THANK YOU.

Oso said...

Carl,you know I'm a Ron Paul guy.slightly off-topic, but on Firedoglake I found a Youtube of Paul when Tavis Smiley questioned him about the War on Drugs and Paul speaks of how unfair it was to blacks. I saved it so that I can use it the next time someone makes those claims of his bigotry from those newsletters.
We could use Rand her in California.

Carl Wicklander said...

That makes two of us, Truth.

Carl Wicklander said...

Law and Order Teacher,

Thanks, but all the credit goes to Trey. He's the one who has made issues out of all those things.

They had a debate last night and Grayson could only talk about how Republicans can do big government better. What a sleaze.

Carl Wicklander said...

Thanks, Anonymous. Glad you came by.

Carl Wicklander said...

That's an interesting point, Oso.

Ron Paul makes the same point about the federal death penalty unfairly targeting blacks. Those newsletters only come up when somebody wants to silence him. I'm glad you know the truth!